Back to Day 1! February 21, 2009
Posted by tharinid in Self discipline.add a comment
So a friend read my earlier ‘Day 1′ post and called me up to get inspiration thinking I had kicked the caffeine habit. And there I was, sheepishly telling her that I was still having coffee, though it was restricted to just one cup a day.
In the course of the conversation, resolve built again and we decided to take on the challenge together. So one week free of caffeine it is, with Saturday and Sunday being a treat, if we still feel like it. And today is back to being Day 1.
The feelings I woke up with were crazy. I took to observing my mind and the linking thoughts. There didn’t seem to be any point in getting up for the day, because I couldn’t have that blissful cupful. I woke up feeling a bit low in spirits, and then my mind started to try to convince me….after all, it is just 1 cup. What’s the big deal?
I had still decided to go ahead and make R his usual cup, and loaded the filter with enough powder for just one person. That process also tested me no end, and I thought I might as well fix myself some breakfast right away to escape the craving. But then, I didn’t want that heavy feeling so early in the morning.
So without any further thought, in went a cup of water for heating, out it came and I slipped a mint green tea bag inside. The job was done. I sat down with it and did not even want to taste it. But somehow, when I did, it was pretty good. And I love that fresh zingy taste that mint has. Sooo… much better than that not-fresh aftermath that coffee leaves.
For now, the craving is at bay. I think I will get through the morning. Hope the afternoon goes as smoothly.
Day 1 December 2, 2008
Posted by tharinid in Self discipline.3 comments
Well, the first rule of my diet plan is already broken as of this morning. I woke up after a very disturbed night of sleep, and felt tired and crabby. And I went for the coffee. This should give you an idea of the kind of task I am up against, in lieu of myself. But as a sort of penance, or detailed observation or whatever you may call it, I really watched how my mind worked to carry the resolve away. It told me over and over how tired I was, and how I needed that coffee to get going. (I usually wake up more fresh and energised than today). It told me how it was just one cup and I could do the rest of the things right. And before I knew it, I was apologising to my self and saying….just this once.
There are still some things I got right in all of this. I really enjoyed my one cup of coffee, mindfully. I relished the warmth stealing down my throat and the feeling of relaxation. I was totally in the moment when I had my coffee. And then after, I observed how it made me feel. It was not altogether pleasant. The warmth was replaced by this unfresh feeling in the mouth, which made me want to brush again. And yes, I do feel a little bit more fresh, but of course, this is the caffiene kick working.
If I should not repeat this tomorrow, I need to educate myself on whether coffee really interferes with weight loss or not. And so, i did. Through this article. And more specifically, these words…
“If you are “running on empty,” getting your “energy” from artificial stimulants like caffeine, you never really get to understand the effect your food is having on you. You never know whether your food is producing energy and alertness or tiredness and fatigue. You’re masking the effects of your eating style with an overpowering stimulant. And that’s keeping you from valuable knowledge about what foods work for you and what foods you ought to stay away from.”
And that does it for me.
A week of discipline… December 2, 2008
Posted by tharinid in Self discipline.4 comments
Spirituality needs discipline. This is a known fact. And over the course of this last year, I have seen just how much I lack in it. A resolve once made, has always evaporated into thin air, at the very next opportunity that it was challenged. So much so, that I have stopped taking myself seriously. And this lack of gumption to see something through is slowly eroding whatever is good and latently good within me. And I really need to get a grip on myself, and come back to the path that I long to be on.
The first of the many challenges, has to do with diet. I need to lost at least 20 lbs and soon. I am 31 now and getting into middle age. And I want to get back in shape before lower metabolism levels take over and make it tougher than it is. I have resolved many times to myself on some of the changes I wanted to make. Simple, basic things for a diet overhaul…like, no coffee and tea, more water, less dairy, only the occasional dessert, and 1 hour of exercise at least 5 days a week.
And everyday, I have failed. And I am tired of failing. And I realise the only way to get what you want, is to go after it, mindfully while asking for grace along the way. Plus, I need to firmly commit myself to change. And that is what I am doing here, right now. So starting tomorrow, for the next 1 week (yes 1 week alone)….I want to institute these changes with determination and strength. And I want to see how this one week impacts me. If at the end of it, I feel good about the changes, then perhaps, I will have the energy of positive impact to carry me into the next week, and the next and the next. For now, it starts with tomorrow.
God grant me the strength and bless this resolve of mine.
Road Rage… October 26, 2007
Posted by tharinid in Self discipline.4 comments
My biggest failing is impatience. It always has been impatience, and this one negative trait has a domino effect on my life in the problems that it creates. This same impatience, also extends to the roads when I am driving. I don’t seem to like speed limits much. I always feel the need to go at least 5 mph above the prescribed limit. And when I am on the road, I am not a benevolent driver. I don’t feel kindly towards other drivers. If its an especially slow driver just in front of me, I huff and I puff in exasperation, and try to find the closest gap in which I can hop over to the next lane, overtake the slow tortoise and just be on my way! If its a fast and reckless driver, I cuss and wonder aloud what all the hurry is about. I shake my head and think he is crazy. And I make flat judgements if I see that it is a lady driver. I don’t have a good opinion of women drivers. If someone from the next lane indicates with a signal that he wants to come to my lane, my first basic instinct is to speed ahead and not give him the leeway. In short, I have a lot of road rage. And its a disease.
Which gets ahold of you in the most unobtrusive way possible and turns you into a demon, capable of the most vile thoughts. But where there is a grave problem, there is also HOPE. And for me that hope lies in this quest I have undertaken. To find the true nature of my soul. This quest….is bringing amazing possibilities my way. And by making me introspect, it is making me hit gently on the brakes, slow down a little and just go on cruise mode. It is extinguishing the volatile flames of my impatience and anger, and dousing it a bit. The aftermath is a cool silence.
Now, when an especially slow driver navigates ahead of me, my first instant reaction is still impatience, but coming quickly in its wake…is also a little prayer of acknowledgement. Thank you dear driver, for helping me slow down my life. Thank you for helping me adhere to speed limits. Thank you for making me a little slower and a lot more safe. God bless you.
When a car weaves recklessly in and out of traffic, missing collisions by a hair’s breadth, I do still shake my head. But its with a lot more humility than before. And it is followed by another prayer…Oh fast one…pray…don’t rush so. Pay heed to your safety and that of others. Slow down. May God keep you safe from yourself, always.
When someone gives me room to change lanes comfortably, I bless his soul and feel eternally grateful and send vibes of goodwill his way.
And when someone wants to shift lanes, I back off a little, give him the room he needs and think…Welcome to my lane…do let us be pleasant travellers.
My impatience is slowly evaporating, even when I am running late. For if I am running late, it is because of my own disorganisation in being unable to make good time. What use is it to curse other drivers and signals and generally wreak havoc with my thoughts?? And more than anything else, I realise that in speeding up to get someplace…I am only saving like what….1 min? 2 ? 10 ? Big deal! And whenever I feel like speeding, I stop and think…Is this a matter of life and death?Just that one simple question and the answer is always a flat and resounding NO. Nothing is sooo important or crucial that I have to unleash my impatience, and jeopardise my safety, my children’s safety and my fellow travellers. NOTHING.
And so…everyday as I pull out the driveway, I look to the Ganesha figurine on my dashboard and say silently to the great cosmic charioteer….Oh Parthasarathy…please be my Sarathy!
Advertisement, mass hype & instant gratification… July 27, 2007
Posted by tharinid in Ceiling on desires, Self discipline.4 comments
I have always been the kind of person who was enthusiastic about movies and books. I love watching movies, especially the ones I have been waiting for, on the first day and first show. So much so that I have even bought tickets in black for it. Those were some crazy times, paying Rs 150 for a Rs 60 balcony ticket. And yet, it was fun. And I’m a huge HP fan, and upto date on all the books. So when HP-7 was to be released, the fever took over and I was all set to pre-order the book. And then, I didn’t, and that’s another story.
So, when the Mad Momma did her post on being Pottered, I wondered what was the big deal about being excited about a much loved book and series, and wanting to get hold of it on the first day it was released! It was pretty harmless a thing, in the light of all the crazier things that take place in the world and I didn’t get it! And so I commented along those lines and went my way. But still the post and its content wouldn’t leave my thoughts. I went back to re-read it and understand all the points she reiterated over and over in her comments to others. I felt that there was something in there that was very important, but at that time, I still couldn’t appreciate what it was. Not until I read this article, and how it specifically addressed the issue of commercial ads and how they create the want in you, and make you a total ME person. And then the link between the two finally happened inside my mind, and what I was grappling to understand became clear as crystal. Hence this post. To enunciate my understanding and to make sure that the very basic point in her post doesn’t go unnoticed. Because its a very underlying thing for all our lives.
For starters, her post was not about Harry Potter books or the last and exciting finish to this enchanted series. Its not about being excited about it, or wanting to read it or even reading it into the wee morning hours, by setting aside some time exclusively for this pleasure. Her strongest statements have been reserved for the hype and hysteria surrounding the release of the book and rightly so. And on a wider note, it encompasses the hype and hysteria of mass advertising and the resultant effects on consumers like us, with the HP-7 release being just an example that came along to illustrate the viewpoint. It so happened that so many of us being the fans that we are, it was a bitter pill to swallow and the comments on her post shot to #70 in record time. If it had not been about something that we were all so involved with, we wouldn’t have bothered too much about it, perhaps. I know I wouldn’t have. But being about HP, it hit close to home.
Let me tell you my story and you can see how you relate to it. I know for certain, that if it hadn’t been for the advertising, hysteria and hype surrounding this book, I wouldn’t have known that it existed. Most likely not. I know I wouldn’t be scouring for this particular book in the bookstore, looking to buy it, or even borrow it from the library. And that’s how it is with most things today. We would be living in a blissful state of ignorance, if it wasn’t for all these external influences. Her post got me thinking and now I know my mind better. And what I know is this:
1. Commercial ads are evil – Strong word that….but that’s what they are. Through a series of colourful and fast moving graphics or well designed layouts and some very subtle catch phrases, they stop your active thinking power, and make you a passive recipient. They start to play on your subconsious and create a want in you. That want creates a greed (subtle thought it may be) and the greed leads a need for gratification, instant or otherwise. And they threaten to erode the better virtues in us like patience and self denial.
2. There is nothing tragically wrong with wanting to read Hp-7. But in the process of wanting to pre-order the book or buy it from the bookstore, we do not realise how blindly we are swayed by the words that exhort us to spend. I still remember this incident. I was at Barnes and Noble a good 6 months back looking to buy a nice book gift for a child’s birthday, and as I was checking out, the clerk asked me if I wished to place an order for HP-7 and get a discount on it. I stopped in my tracks. A kind of desperation started to build up in me. By asking me to preorder, he was in fact telling my mind, that if I DIDN’T, I wouldn’t be able to get hold of the book when it WAS released and I’d miss out!!! That was how I felt for a few split seconds when I was tempted to say yes. But at the time, I didn’t want to spend any more money than I already was and I said no. I remember this incident now, especially when every store I have gone to this past week have abundant copies of HP-7, at different prices. Walmart at $17.78, Toys r Us at $ 20.99. All I have to is pick up the book and check out. I didn’t NEED to pre-order. And I certainly didn’t need that subtle manipulation. That is the effect of mass hype and hysteria. The way it creates a certain urgency and desperation in us, to buy NOW and TODAY!
3. Why is all this such a big deal??? It is, and it has to be. Because it is about how our mind are being controlled without our knowledge. And how our subconsious is being played with, with the tantalising graphics and catchwords and bait and we fall hook, line and sinker into the whole spending game. Which is very advrse to a green earth. You only have to give this article the time of day, to see why! The BIGGEST and most EFFECTIVE way to go green is to spend less and spend wisely. We are surrounding ourselves with things we do not really need for a basic and happy life. We are lviing in an illusion, and a false existence. We mean well, but we are going horribly wrong. If it has to stop, our blind response to ads have to stop too. We have to take charge of our thinking once more (we can think for ourselves, thank you very much!) and question each and every spending of ours. Do we need this? Do we really? Is there some way I can do without this?
3. Why is it so important to say NO to ourselves? – When we can’t say no to ourselves, how can we say no to our children. Read this on self discipline and form your own thoughts on it. We are the moral guardians for our children and it is our duty on this earth and in this life to show them to the pathway to God. And that cannot happen without self discipline. And our example has to lead the way.
5. Patience pays – Wait and see. Wait. Stop. wait. Give it resting room. Then jugde once more, once the haste to buy has subsided. You will almost always find, if you are true to yourself, that it is not something you need to buy. If you are sincere in the attempt, you will find that you already have an alternative worked out for it. An instance : Last winter, before my mom was to come here, I wanted to buy a treadmill. My arguements for it : I’d find it easier to exercise if I could just have the flexibility of doing it from home, and having our own treadmill in the basement would be just the thing. So R indulged me and we started scouting online for the best features that we wanted in our treadmill and also the best deals for it. We realised after research that it would mean an investment of a minimum of $1000. We had finalised one in Sears. It was a Christmas deal and would be gone by midnight. There was that temptation again and the urgency and desperation to go ahead and book it. But again, some self -restraint interceded and midnight passed. And what do you know! The deal was still on. Right until New Year’s Eve and even after that. The whole thing felt like a hoax! And slowly slowly, in the whole process of self restraint, we finally decided not to buy the treadmill. I decided to take up a membership in the gym, and thank God I did, for I would have just as soon lost the interest and motivation within a few months and it would have lain unused, just as it does in the homes of so many of my friends!
Well, that’s my story. And there’s lots more to say on the subject. But what I came away with from MM’s post is the need to stop and think for myself, before I succumb to the external influences. To think a 100 times before buying something and making sure that what I DO buy, I put to good use. In the case of HP-7, I am ultimately glad that I didn’t buy the book. Because come July 21st, I still survived the mystery of what lay in that book. I had placed a library hold and was no 166 on the queue. I despaired of ever reading the book, but it came my way, when Kodi’s Mom offered to lend me her copy. The pleasure of having the book now to read hasn’t diminished in the least even after countless others have read it, and its been 24 hours since I got it home and I still haven’t turned a single page on it. I am waiting for my Mom to leave on Sunday, and I shall drown myself in the book to distract me from the melancholy of her departure. HP fans will know how useful this will be. 
And for the owners of the book, spread it around. Donate it to your library once you are done, so countless others can get hold of it and enjoy the pleasure. Or do the good deed that K’s mom did nto me, and lend it to all your friends and even out the cost of the book among all the consumers who get to read it. Spread the magic. We all need some:))
