Jiva to Atma

Today is the first day of the New Year. And I started it right by going for a 9:30 class at my gym. I prefer the group classes on most days because of the amazing energy that working out in a group brings. And this is a very special class called the Zumba mix. Its basically a dance based workout….a bit of salsa, samba, merengue…you name it. And the whole experience is so intensely spiritual….its breathtaking.

I have peeped in on this class before I finally ventured in one fine day. Usually, you see something dance based and you shy away from it thinking….nah…I could never do that! And then, one day…you just manage to swallow all your inhibitions and decide to try it out. At the beginning of the class, you always feel so stiff and awkward, like you could never move. The first 5 minutes are agonising, you keep checking yourself out in the mirror and notice the awkwardness and the complete lack of natural grace. You wish you could just get out and get on the treadmill or something. You think everyone else is just soooo… much better than you. How do they move like dancers so easily…you wonder. Never is the feeling of divisiveness more keenly felt, and the feeling of I…you….them. You see everyone around you as separate from you. You see yourself as a lone unit. But you get on with the class anyway, because you’re in it now, and it’d be even more awkward to walk out. *sigh*….so much of ego is so crippling.

The music changes. That’s kind of the nice thing about this zumba mix class. Its made up of small segments of music to which you follow the instructor’s moves. And the music is so catchy and energetic. Some of that energy somehow finds its way into you. Encouraged, you begin to loosen up…slowly. Everytime one track ends, the anticipation builds up to see what the next track will sound like. In those little gaps between the music, people clap a little to signify their enjoyment and look around the room and smile at one another. It breaks the ice. And some of that enjoyment rubs off on you too. The smiles relax you…and you start smiling too. The music starts and you get into it with a lot more gusto now. It ceases to matter how you move and how you compare with everyone else around you. Everyone is just here for a workout…and what a fun way this is to do that!

I have always believed that the rhythm of music beats in everyone of us. And if we didn’t let our egos work overtime and just gave in to the beautiful sensual pleasure of the music, you can actually become one with it, and have it move you. Its a very very sublime moment….being one with the music that has the capacity to enter your soul. Because once it does, it doesn’t matter whether you are supposed to shake your hips, or time the movement of your left hand with your left leg…the music just moves you in a way that will keep the perfect union going. When the ego gets out of the way, you finally stop being so conscious, and are open to let the energy flow, unhindered. You movements automatically become more graceful and fluid. And your face has a smile….from the joy of it all.

The ecstasy continues so long as the ego remains mute. But the minute it expresses itself, even in a whisper, the spell is broken and the awareness erects a wall and separates you from the rest again. To continue the union in a single uninterrupted flow  is not easy, not easy at all….but when you have even a faint idea of it, you feel liberated. From all your notions of what you are, how you should be, and all your judgements about others. Its really wonderful.

I ended that class pink cheeked and flushed and so darn pleased with myself for sticking it out and having such fun. When the class ended, everyone was beaming at everyone else, and it was obvious that on some levels, they had all experienced their own unique unions. I guess we’re not that different after all!

Last evening, R took Winkie to his karate class. It was parent participation night. They were showing a video on how to deal with strangers. Some of the parents were called upon to play a stranger in different situations, and the child was supposed to demonstrate what to say and how to deal with them.

For instance, if a stranger came upto you (a child) and said…Hey, do you want some candy?….you are supposed to say NO. If he says…do you want to get into my car and show me the way to the police station?….you say NO. If he says…get in the car, I am a cop…you say NO and ask for a badge.

This is to keep yourself safe. Its an awareness training to identify potential threats from strangers and use your discrimination and act accordingly.

R came home and told me about the class. And how it set him thinking. These lessons to kids, were life lessons for all of us. We also face strangers in our life everyday. Every once in a while, greed comes knocking and asks….Do you want more of this?….The ideal answer is NO, but many a times we do not manage it. We come face to face with anger….and let it completely take us away in that car, without asking for a badge….without saying NO first. Hatred makes our acquaintance and we take its hand and get embroiled in its grip. Jealousy works in much the same way and we are hopelessly trapped. All because of our inability to identify them as the strangers to our divine soul, and use our God given intellect to say NO.

As we chewed on this clear thought, it finally dawned. That there was in effect, only one true STRANGER. The mind. That part of the mind that fostered divisiveness. That fed into the duality of existence, denying the oneness of all creation. That part of our mind, led away by the senses, was the one true stranger that created all these other sub facets of it. If we could learn to observe the inner workings of our mind, we might just find the key to saying NO.

This was in yesterday’s Nithyananda newsletter. And I want to remember this for longer than today…

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When was the last time you had a really good laugh?

Most of us have forgotten how to laugh. Our laughter is only an extended smile, a social necessity. We are usually laughing at someone, or simply fulfilling a duty. And laughter has been replaced by giggles and sniggers.

In an office, the boss tells a joke. The whole team starts roaring with laughter, except one lady who sits looking bored.

The boss asks: What’s the matter? Why aren’t you laughing?

She replies: I don’t have to. I am quitting next week!

Laughter has tremendous potential that we have forgotten how to use. It is an excellent way of connecting with people.

In fact, the most radical ideas, when presented in a humorous manner, can easily be got across to people.

Most of us are afraid to laugh, especially when we are with strangers, because laughter exposes us. Laughter exposes the innocent, vulnerable You hidden inside you.

Those who find it difficult to laugh have no idea what a gift they’ve lost. Believe me, there is no business more serious than the business of laughter. It is seriously important to be able to laugh!

Learn to laugh at your problems. At least you’ll have something to laugh about!

People who can laugh at themselves are truly blessed, because they have found a way to go beyond the ego.

Laughter is simply an overflowing of health, of abundant energy. It blossoms as a natural result of being at ease with our self and surroundings. That’s why happy, smiling people are usually the most spontaneous.

Laughter has great therapeutic value. Today, the healing effects of laughter are being acknowledged by doctors and psychiatrists worldwide. And that is why so many laughter clubs have mushroomed worldwide; to teach us how to laugh!

The deep, chaotic breathing induced by laughter produces positive vibrations in our body, relaxes the belly and improves digestion. Laughing also cleanses the manipuraka chakra, the subtle energy center in our navel area, which is the seat of worry and depression. The simple act of laughing has the power to unlock deep-rooted psychological suppressions. Laughter is a natural healing power that nature has gifted to us.

Laughter is the highest spiritual path. It is the royal route to enlightenment. It is the easiest and most powerful way of connecting with the boundless energy of Existence.

I was at my parents’ place and about to set out to go someplace. My mom tipped me with info on how much I would need to pay the auto-driver for the distance I would be covering. Not more than Rs. 40, she said. And don’t take any autos from the nearby auto stand, take one from the next street.

I stepped out and since I was short on time, went to the nearby auto stand and signalled one of the drivers. As he drove his way over, I was mentally bracing myself to drive a hard bargain of the said 40 rupees and no more. My face was stern, my demeanour rigid and there was a little bit of unconscious stress building up into my system as he approached me. I told him the destination and then asked him the big question….How much?

40 rupees…he said.

I stopped in my tracks for just a second. The fight I was about to put up died within me. 40 rupees is all that he had asked for?

My shoulders slumped in relief and I happily got into the auto feeling a good sense of not having let him down by bargaining and moreover having struck a deal which made both of us happy. I got in, sat down and when I looked front, that’s when I noticed it. A bright, sharp picture of Shirdi Sai Baba greeted my eyes, and next to him were pictures of every deity possible neatly arranged and taped to the front glass.

Seeing that picture there was the point of instant connection. And it reminds me of one of the things I have read Swami say, which made such an impact some time earlier…Why fear, when I am here?

This has now become a mantra of life, and everytime a worry, big or small surfaces, this one thought rises surely above it, instantly defragmenting all the related stress, leaving no more fear…and only a feeling of being in the HERE.

How often do we let other people’s temper affect our mood? Do we let a terrible driver, or a rude comment ruin our day?

The mark of a spiritual aspirant is how quickly we can regain our focus on what is important. One man learnt this experience while in the back of a New York City cab. Here’s what happened.

He was traveling in a taxi, on his way to Grand Central Station. All of a sudden, without warning, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of them. The taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded and missed the other car’s back end by inches.

Then, the driver in the other car, who nearly caused a huge accident, whipped his head around and started abusing the taxi driver.

But the taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. The startled passenger said, “Why did you take it so easy? The guy almost caused your car to crash and send us to hospital!” The taxi driver laughed and then related what he called, “The Law of The Garbage Truck.”

“Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of rubbish, filled with frustration, bursting with anger, and packed with disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump it all on you, don’t take it personally. You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You’ll be glad you did. I assure you.”

The passenger started thinking how regularly he let garbage trucks run right over him? And how frequently he took his own garbage and spread it onto other people, at work, at home, or on the streets? It was that day he promised to himself, “I’m not going to do it anymore.”

Over time he learnt how to distinguish when a “Garbage Truck” was coming to dump all over him. He noticed the junk they were carrying and prepared himself to avoid it all being unloaded onto him. Like the taxi driver, he did not make it a personal thing; he just smiled, waved, wished them well, and moved on.

In His own inimitable way, Bhagavan also tells us:

“Be always saturated with Love. Do not use harsh words against anyone, for words wound more fatally even than arrows. Speak softly and sweetly. Sympathise with suffering with an unshaken faith.”

                                   Adapted from  “Let the Garbage go by…” By David J. Pollay

…that little whisper from the universe, that you are not alone…that there is an answer. And the answer is provided.

For the whole of the last week, I did not read a single Nithyananda Newsletter that was delivered to my mailbox. Only right now did I get to them. The message in one was particularly moving and directly related to my recent state of mind. I am finally getting the strength I need to move out of this rigamarole. Here, are those potent words…

What moves you?

Which emotions control your actions?

Does your life revolve around hostility, aggression, and anger?

Are you frequently depressed for no reason?

Is it more important for you to love, or to fight?

Be honest with yourself!

You must first acknowledge your emotions – otherwise how are you going to transform them?

Very often, people who live in a hostile environment develop a strong affinity for the negative emotions. They need it; it is a survival technique for them. They get all their energy from their negative emotions.

Research has proved that in the time of war, the crime and suicide rate in society goes down drastically. Because people now have an open platform to express their negative emotions, they need not commit their crimes privately!

Even Hitler has said, if you want to make a country powerful, create enemies! The enemies need not even be real; they can even be imaginary enemies. As long as people are in a hostile situation, they feel strong. When they are rebelling, they feel powerful. All our energy has been channeled into negativity.

Even depression is nothing but anger turned upon oneself. When you express the emotion, it is seen as anger. When you repress it, it becomes depression. But both are the same negative energy.

When we focus on our negative emotions, when we nurture our sense of separateness, when we create an experience of ‘me versus them’, the ego feels very powerful. That’s why many of us enjoy situations where we can be in a fighting position.

The positive, softer emotions always make us vulnerable. Love, joy, compassion – these are very fragile states of mind. When we experience these emotions, the boundary between ourselves and the world becomes weaker. The ego feels less powerful. That’s why we are all afraid of these emotions. In a deeply unconscious way, we are afraid of love – because in love we have to surrender the ego.

But spirituality is nothing but the process of losing one’s ego. If you are afraid even to love, because it makes you feel vulnerable – how will you move inward into meditation?

The Sai Inspires message of the day…one that I always want to remember…

“Suffering entitles you more to the Grace of the Lord. When suffering comes in waves, one behind the other, be glad that the shore is near: bear them bravely; do not like cowards throw the blame on some outside Power or develop dislike for the Lord… Welcome the test because thereafter you are awarded the certificate. It is to measure your progress that tests are imposed. So do not flinch in the face of grief. The Lord bestows a favour when He decides to test you, for He is impressed by your achievement and wants to put upon it the seal of His approval. Rise up to the demands of the test, that is the way to please the Lord.”

This is a continuation of the theme from my earlier post. Where the ‘I’ desires and the universe conspires. I remember the time I wrote this post on W-Way. This was a time that I was very unhappy with myself as a mother and as a person. It was a time of honest assessment and I was able to distinctly identify the things that were holding me back from my true happiness. Among the many comments I got, I also received a mail from a seeker on the path who wanted to share the insights she had received from her Guru. In her mail were the words…acceptance of yourself as you are, acceptance of God as you believe him and acceptance of the world as is.

This was exactly what I was struggling with. Those words gave me immediate calm. And I realised that in the place of all ideals to be a better version of myself, I also need to be happy with what I am. I cannot say that it was instantly achieved, but the seed of thought has been sown and I will nurture it every way I can. So this was yet another way in which I got an answer to something that was eating me up from within.

I subscribed to the Nithyananda newsletter and reading it everyday has given me some wonderful insights into the practical aspects of meditation, something I could have definitely benefited from in these initial baby steps I am currently taking. So yet another push for me from the external world to aid in my desire for Self-Knowledge.

In one of the newsletters, I read something very harsh and something that I thought I would never be able to do. Look at my body as something beautiful. The gist is this: it is only through your body that you can practice meditation and experience advanced states of consciousness. It is only in this form of body that we can ever hope to get to the truth about life and creation. So it is our duty to treat it as a temple and love it, cherish it and take care of it.

This was harsh for me to accept because for the longest time, I have had nothing but negative feelings towards my body and w.r.t my weight and wanting to lose weight. I have never been at peace with my body all throughout my life. Its been a lifetime of being at odds with something that is my vessel in this life. How much this attitude of mine has hurt me so far? How much of growth it has already impeded? And yet, seeing all this, I still couldn’t shake those feelings off. So once again, a seed was sown.

The water for this seed came in the form of this post from someone whose life has always inspired me. With that water, it took a little root, and today when I was having my customary conversation with Uma (my son’s teacher)…she talked about this same point in passing and I was amazed! I know its no simple coincidence but the power of the Universe once again giving me the sign to commit to this.

And here I am at this juncture. So much more at peace than where I found myself at the start. I am slowly understanding what acceptance of this given body means and I am looking at myself in a new light.

Life, as it is unfolding right now, is just a.m.a.z.i.n.g!