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Why me?….Why not me! December 26, 2009

Posted by tharinid in Random.

Its hard to find a place to begin a post like this…it contains a swirl of thoughts on free will, and divine guidance and Divine Will, and what happens when we seek and when we don’t…

For several months now, we have been struggling with a particular decision now. On whether or not to buy a new dining table set for our home. Not the formalĀ  dinner table, but just a simple, elegant wooden table with a minimum of 4 chairs. The one we have now, while in good, working condition still, is a very low end one dating back to our apartment days, and its been 8 years now. So while we certainly didn’t need a new set, we certainly could have used a new one simply because it had been a while.

But so far, its been such that we could never find just the right one, that was simple-elegant-priced within range etc. We found many that we could well afford, but when it came to the moment of actual committment, we couldn’t do it. And yet, we still couldn’t let the idea of having a new dining set go. Today, we decided to finally approach the Big Man, and ask for His guidance, for a change. Now asking for guidance is not a simple one step process. Firstly, you have to actively bring your mind out of its restlessness and into a calmer state by invoking a few deep breaths and prayer. Then you have to examine all your motives for asking, and whether you are sincerely setting aside your ego, to completely surrender your control to Him. You should ask because you are sincere about seeking, not because its a fun process where you can test His omnipresence. And you have to brace yourself to accept whatever outcome there is. Its a cleansing process really, to get into the climate of truly seeking.

So we went through the motions and sought with all that we had, for an answer, a clear one, and a single direction to take. We closed our eyes, and opened randomly, to the page of a book of Swami, in the hope that the first words our eyes fell on would give us our answer. Both of us did it individually, to get a double confirmation. :) R’s answer was….Come to Puttaparthi. And mine was….Come to me with empty hands…I shall fill them with gifts and grace.

Its amazing the kind of varied interpretations you decipher. Confusion abounds on which one is His. Did you understand it right? Is this what it means? Once the dust of the excitement settles however, you do sort of know from within, what it means. R & I felt beyond a doubt, that it meant that we remain happy with what we have and not burden ourselves with more possessions. On a simplistic level. Symbolically, there are more colours to this interpretation, but the underlying message is still clear. And that should be the end of things, ideally, right?

Wrong. Because I still want the table. I mean, how difficult is it going to be to bridge the gap between desire and action towards fulfilling that desire? We do have free will, don’t we? How difficult would it really be to exercise it? In a moment of recklessness, we could very well go ahead and buy our table. Its not an earth shattering decision, one that is bound to hurt anybody. Its a simple table, after all. But then, its not. It is free will. We have the right and freedom to choose, and when we do, we also have the certainty of experiencing the full range of consequence it comes with. This is a simplistic situation, but we face many many other situations in our life where we sort of bulldoze our decisions for our lives, without seeking divine guidance and many times, despite it. So how then can we pause, when things go wrong in our lives, and ask of Him….Why me?

That is one line of questioning that has surely and certainly left me. I have rephrased it with…what can i learn from this? What is the purpose behind this lesson?…and pretty soon, its not hard to see how each situation in life is somehow scientifically designed for our personal growth. The way it has been customised is so damn beautiful that it is a complete cause for wonder.


1. Kowsalya - December 29, 2009

oh yes.. how i used to seek His guidance for every damn thing in my life when i was studying in school and college. The ganesha idol which we buy every chaturthi will remain with me for the entire year every year. how i used to sleep with Him by my side, cuddle Him when i feel like and cry to Him when i am down.. He stayed with me in the hostel and showered His blessings to all who would come to Him. my cubboard was like a small shrine where i used to keep vibuthi, kumkum and Him in the topmost shelf. This post brought all those memories back.

2. tharinid - January 7, 2010

Thank you for sharing that K. It was a nice insight to have into you. :)

3. dipali - January 31, 2010

This is a tough one- when a desire is active, yet not urgent! Urgency perhaps pushes one into making a decision, even a wrong one.

After doing whatever research I need to, my general prayer is:
Let that decision be made, dear God, which is in my/my family’s/X’s/ the larger community’s best interests.

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