Ceiling on desires… July 19, 2007
Posted by tharinid in Ceiling on desires.trackback
I am so excited about the Deathly Hallows book in the Harry Potter series. So much so that I want to pre-order it. I did some scouting online, and decided to go with Amazon for the best deal. $20, and with shipping…close to $22. R said….why don’t we wait for a few days for the book to come out, and if you still feel as excited about buying it, then we can see if there’s a better deal buying direct from the store. I was disappointed. I wanted it…now! But I heeded his words and when I woke up the next morning….it was with a changed mind.
Somehow, it didn’t feel right to be spending that much money on a book I would read only once, or twice at the most (but that would definitely be after a period of time for certain, at which point I could just borrow it from the library, for which we pay hefty tax dollars anyways!). And then I got to thinking about the whole picture of overindulgence on my part, and remembering the mortal souls around the world who struggle for a single meal. $20 could go a long way for one of them couldn’t it?
And so, I have decided to set aside this amount as our first contribution towards our ceiling on desires program which we will build out of the things we consciously deny ourselves. Today its $20, tomorrow it could be a whopping $1000, that we would have saved, if we continue in this fashion. It remains to be seen towards what specific purpose we shall direct this fund, but that too shall become clear as we progress along this road.
For today….it is enough that a small start has been made!
thats nice… it is a good way to track how many momentary desires take over us when we could actually make do without really having it!
Thanks Kanch. It was nice to see ur comment here. Its the maiden comment on this blog.
Wow ! I am impressed ! Nice new look !
wow! that is exactly how I feel. denial. some of us are unable to deny ourselves anything. that was the point i made in my post. that as kids we were taught to wait, to earn, to savour. and 800 bucks is a huge amount to spend on a book. you’ve made every point of mine !!!
I loved this post, Tharini. When I was young we never really had the money to be indulged much, so delaying gratification became a habit. As newly weds, we had family commitments that rendered us fairly broke, so again, we were careful with money. With greater financial ease it is lovely to be able to indulge oneself a bit, but I know I get upset about the number of things we tend to accumulate unnecessarily. The toughest part is when you have the money but want your kids to learn to do without immediate gratification…..are they even aware that you have chosen not to buy something that you’d enjoy because it isn’t really necessary? In today’s culture, my teenager is far more aware of branded goods than I ever can be.
How does one get them out of this trap of wanting what advertising and marketing hype dictates, without turning them into misfits in their peer group?
hi tharini.
i have been brought up as a jain and my folks practise it pretty much to the letter. one of the chief things is not to accumulate material things and only keep as much as you need keeping practical issues in mind. reining in the desire to possess everything around is probably a bit tricky initially. but after a while the whole lack of clutter is actually addictive! one of the by-products is also that the kids watch you and learn not to hanker after every latest toy or gadget available.
good luck and hats off to you!
Thanks Dipali : I have experienced this a lot thru the words and experiences of my parents. I think it will always be hard and one of the biggest struggles that parents will face…to consiously deny them something, and teaching them to do against the percieved peer pressure with confidence and without too much bitterness. I have a post to this on this, which I very recently faced with Akhil in a small way.
Nam : You said it! The very essence of what I have been feeling. Its so nice to know that there are people in our world who live thier lives in this spirit. Wonderful and an example!
I didn’t know this space existed. wait, I did, then somehow I forgot.
anyway, I agree with denial! and we do that all the time. so much that sometimes I feel like we behave as if we live below the poverty line!!! so HP was an indulgence. hey, borrow the book from me.
Just read the other post. Since I’ve come here fairly recently, I don’t really know your policy on TV watching. Is there a blanket ban? Do you find Winkie fascinated by TV when he sees it in a public place? My teenager is now , circumstantially, in boarding school, so we really have little control over the external influences- just hope that the core values instilled during his earlier life with us remain with him.
dipali, totally agree that its much tougher to teach the value of money when you are in a position to buy whatever your children ask for.
i have often thought about how one can teach values to children without making them misfits. but then i think if you are convinced enough about something, others also accept it.
when my daughter was having her 4th birthday party – the first time we celebrated it with all her friends – i told my husband we should ask folks to donate the cash they wouldve spent on gifts instead of getting her more things she doesnt really need. however my husband pointed out that this being her birthday it should come from her and that she was too young still.
on every visit to india my daughter goes to my mom’s help house as her daughter who is abt the same age as her is her major pal. she is always shocked at how little they have and how that girl has hardly any toys or books.
this birthday (her 7th) she made a list of all that she had got for her birthday (from her grandparents and others in the family and from us). after this she came tome and asked if i would mind if she asked her friends who were going to come for her birthday party (on the weekend) to just get money and not a toy or book as she had plenty already. i asked her why to which she said she wanted to collect the money, go to an ‘exchange shop’ next time she goes to india and give the rupees to this little girl (the help’s kid) to get books or toys. i of course agreed. when i told my MIL this when i called her the next day she was worried that my daughter’s friends might think she is a weirdo but i didnt want to stop her as the idea had come from her. the best part was how her friends reacted when she explained her plan. every one of them (and their parents plus her teacher) thought it was a great idea and she collected about £50 – she calculated how many rupees that will convert to with great joy!
not sure how long this will last but hope it will stay somewhere in the backgrd when she hits the teens – when i guess there is a lot more peer pressure.
Dipali : Its not something I’ve talked about much on the blog. We basically stopped subscribing to the cable and any Indian channels, because we found that WE were getting hooked to it, so much so that family time was being jeopardised in the process. So, to save some money and also to gain some time, we went on our no TV policy. We still get DVD’s from the stores and Akhil watches selected videos and movies that we get from the library and such and he treasures them. Yes, I do find Akhil fascnated with TV when se sees it elsewhere, and those are times when I am almost tempted. Then I realise we are better off this way. Rigth now, we have SUN TV oing on for my mom. That too will be cut when she leaves. I think I shall do a separate post on this sometime.
Nam : I am so heartened to this your last comment. Your daughter’s action is commendable and it is this spirit that we need to nourish in them. I have found that wherever there is honesty and a basic kindness, there is response to it everywhere. Well done on her part!
Namvor, how wonderful! When they were home we used to try and match whatever we spent on a party with a donation to a charity, once they were away its a gift (hopefully useful) to them, and something to charity. But I don’t know what they would be willing to give on their own…….
Tharini, do write at length about your TV story!
thanks tharini and dipali.
my daughter’s teacher told me that she was not surprised by what she did. apparently a child between ages 6 and 11 is called ‘the philosophical child’ in montessori parlance as in this age they begin to understand the world around them and their relation to it. hence the fact that she tried to give something to another child who she thought was deprived shows that she is trying to correct the imbalance. they are not yet touched by cynicism and so think they can change it all.
dipali you would have seen this all i guess!
[...] here’s where our first contribution of $20 towards the ceiling on desires fund will go to…. St. Jude’s Hospital! It feels good to find a cause to channel this [...]
Oh Tharini, I just discovered this space! And what a lovely concept you have come up with. I used to do this in college, put together the money that I saved by enduring a little hardship, even the auto fare saved when I opted for a bus—however crowded. This helped make a little pocket money go a long way. But unfortunately I put it into birthday presents for friends, not really for people who were less fortunate. I think I will start again.